After realizing that none of the members of the 2011 TM BC crew died, most of my pals decided that Big Mudder must not be that tough after all and eagerly signed up to get slit open by barbed wire, frozen, lit on fire, lose skin, break bones, get shocked into unconsciousness, and generally ruin a perfectly good day in the mountains.

Most of the team members and non-pregnant party-girl spouses got up to the condo in Avon the night before and, although each had individually vowed not to drink the night before the race, all soon succumbed to the fact we really don’t have that much in common except for the love of the bottle and slurring at each other at 3:00 AM.  Brady won the pre-race drink-off by neatly tucking away 14 beers that night but I think my 12-pack Friday night plus a tall glass of scotch for breakfast Saturday morning could have perhaps put me ahead in terms of starting line BAC.

I won’t retread last year’s obstacle descriptions or ratings, but I will post all the cool videos I took on my GoPro. It makes me look like I am seven feet tall, so I think we can all agree that’s pretty sweet. I will also rate all of the obstacles that were new to this year’s TM BC course.

Just to remind you of the rating system:

• 1 = As tough as breathing through your mouth
• 10 = As tough as being tougher than Chuck Norris

In order to start the race, you must stand in a line and get registered, check your backpack, and walk to the starting line. 90% of our team managed to do this without breaking bones.

Dreller’s big reveal. Tough Mudder Pledge. Starting gun, run down a hill. And, yes, I fell on my ass.

Walking like a bear is cool… for a two year old.

This just gets you used to crawling, which you have to do a lot of, but this obstacle was free of mud and / or electricity, so no big deal. But it was dark, which got Nate used to being unconscious and that would come in handy later.

My two daughters make a bigger mess of our home on a daily basis.

This time crawling + water + electricity. Just add a suitcase full of drugs and you have the bathtub scene from Fear & Loathing.

We had to call in the big muscle and get Bo to throw Jay over the second of these two seemingly impenetrable monoliths even though Jay could walk up and rest his chin on the top of them. Turns out greasing your hair into a dorsal fin has no effect on upper body strength. No video – just watch the Ten Foot version down below.

Grab a log and carry it for a while, then throw it in the same place you got it. Just like life.

Short and brutal, probably the least pleasant obstacle in this year’s line up. Notice how Nate (inexplicably dressed up as Tim Tebow) decides to just hang out in there. You’re a weird dude all around, Nate.

This marked the start of the largest uphill portion of the course for the next 6 or so miles and it also marked the end of our team approach. The Mr. Bonkers portion of the team (Brady, Nate, Adam, and Clemmer) left the Six Foot Wookie portion of the team in the dust.

This was less demented than last year – only one unmanned hose at the end. For some reason we decided to hang out and get drenched in it nonetheless.

Jay and I had a bitchin’ double wipe-out here. I completely froze my hands sitting on the top of this thing helping out some fellow mudders. Also there is a guy who still has his log. He was trying to win “Dumbest Mudder” but I think Bryan already had that wrapped up.

I could feel that my toe was broken at this point, but have no idea when it happened.

This obstacle would have been better if it was a little longer and Nitro or Laser were trying to pull you off the rings.

From here, the course diverged greatly from last year’s course and also from this year’s supposed course map. I’m pretty sure we were routed through China Bowl. The only cool part of this was the F-16 that flew over at low altitude and spilled the tower commander’s coffee all over him.

For some reason, the organizers decided to put arguably the most boring obstacle on the top of the lift. Maybe it was so that we could really impress our wives.

The Marine contingent of our team (the ones that are dressed up like Johnny’s Gang in Karate Kid) laughed at your puny walls. Devon, the most popular professional wrestler in Laos, also scaled the wall with relative ease, and now this is the most watched video on YouTube in the coveted 8-14 year old male Laotian demographic.

This was the high point of the race and from here, Six Foot Wookie further split into John & Devon, Bryan & Jay, and Bo & Me. Bryan had to keep moving so the mush in his foot wouldn’t congeal, and Bo had to rig an asthma inhaler bong. Only a 10k to go from here.

The advantage went to the short guys in the pipes. Being a little taller, I couldn’t use my legs to propel me at all. Adam was really thirsty so he did this obstacle with his mouth wide open.

Forgot to turn the camera on. It was like totally easy. And Bo and I totally did it, I swear.

Crawling + Mud + Barbed Wire. Bo loaded his shirt with 25 lbs. worth of mud for added pressure on his lungs.

Basically an easier version of the Sweaty Yeti.

Crawling + Snow + Electricity. It was good to see the Hulkster was still with us.

Basically walk across a couple of 2 by 12’s nailed together or get wet. Clemmer tried to rodeo flip over to the adjacent beam and broke his foot.

I actually got across this thing this year. The first 5-6 rungs were pretty slimy but after that it was okay. Bo did exactly what I did last year. Watch and enjoy seeing all the Mudders plummet into the freezing mud water. Then check out the sky and my filthy meat hooks.

I really liked how everyone on top vaporized right before Bo and I went.

I think they amped this thing up a little more than last year. Bo and I went down. Nate got hit in the middle, blacked-out, and ended up face down in the mud. Rand got a wire wrapped around his neck and said it felt like his skull was about to explode. Devon fried the part of his brain that causes you to want to wash mud off your face. When we all ate lunch in BC village a few hours later, it was like hanging out with Schwarzenegger in Predator.